What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
