My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
