I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
