I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
