i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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