I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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