we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
