I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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