when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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