im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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