chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
