Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
