I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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