A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
