just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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