Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms