the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same