Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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