How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.