Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well