I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
