If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just cropdusted the office
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
