Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You ruined the universe
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
