he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
