"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
