She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
