apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
