I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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