just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
