You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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