Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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