So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Mom said you looked used
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
