Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
