I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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