pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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