Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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