How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
