Sacagawea was the original milf.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
