I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
