sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
