i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
