Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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