the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
