I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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