i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
