Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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