I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
