Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
