ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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