She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
