Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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