i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
