Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
