Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He? As in you personified your dick?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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