Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
