I wanna passion pit in your ass
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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