Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
