i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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