1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sex in a hospital.. check
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
