dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Green mimosas i think yes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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