i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
