This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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