i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
