He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
