Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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