all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
