I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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