need another drink. this is the easiest way
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
