So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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