he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
