you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
