our cab driver is having phone sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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