My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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