god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
