you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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