Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
