4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Couch. On fire.
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