it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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