that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
