ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
