I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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