you guys were way drunker than both of me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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